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|I love to suck and I love boot wearing men. I still love you "C' that's all there is to it. Forever, always, eternity, I hope you know who this is and I truly hope we can be real with each other. I miss you terribly, every part of me longs to be near you, I believe we can change all this. I believe in us...don't know why you cant. :( Strange Leave me alone, I do not Care to watch you flirt with other people. You don't care about me so scat. Soon as I get home I've been on for a while, Anchorage in lounge Anchorage older women fucking ofallon horny mature Switzerland and have had more or less the usual experience. A lot of flakes and wastes of time, some weird people, some good people, and xxx person in particular that got me through a really difficult time in my life. So I feel like I owe it to to write this out. I've posted and replied on in the past, in the hopes of finding someone to talk to and sort things out. Being protected from anonymity and free from commitment is unique to any other kind of communication in the world (it's also part of the reason it's hard to find a decent connection with some xxx Most people are not necessarily self absorbed, but come here for their own needs, and they do not prioritize others. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with this, it's just the way it is). It can be fun to make someone believe that I am something I am really not, but it's also ish and a waste of time. It felt like I was living an empty existence being that made-up character, so I became motivated to become the person I was projecting myself as. I have hundreds of of all the crazy shit I have been through, like everyone else does. Everyone needs a friend to talk things out with from time to time. "Getting laid" doesn't solve anything. But the last few days I came to a realization after watching a particular movie. I'd seen the movie ten times before. A somewhat typical movie. It posed the age-old question of where soldiers go during times of , when the is their only home. I try not to be a pretentious person - I am no soldier, but I've seen and acted out some serious shit. I started thinking about my life style of all the reckless and destructive things I have d xxx The cycle of getting bored and needing change, doing something "out of the ordinary", then doing damage control. After a certain time I get tired of damage control, social sexnetwork Bancroft and need a release, and begin the cycle again. I spent a lot of my life in situations that I had little control over. In becoming an , I started learning about my power in the world, and how I choose to create the environment around me. I realized how I built a lifestyle where I had lost control of my own thoughts, and played everything out based on my insecurities, and need to feel temporarily satisfied. I spent a considerable amount of time and effort getting out of my self created . I was prepared to lose everything, and found myself losing much more. By both my own choice and outside circumstances, I became isolated. I discovered that I had even more power than I imagined, and used it in a variety of productive manners. I tried to escape being lonely, and fell into the destructive pattern I previously mentioned. I went to the beach in San Francisco around x am last night to meditate. You should try it if you haven't, the moonlight reflecting off the waves is crazy shit. Anyways. I thought about how I was letting myself follow these destructive cycles. But I crossed it with the fact that I had also achieved my goal of being free from all the damage I created in my own life (big shit). xxx year ago I promised myself on the same beach that I would all of my goals, and as of last night, I succeeded. The " " was over, and I didn't need to live my life as a "soldier" anymore. I found my internal , my core as a person, and was happy to be home on that beautiful midnight beach. I wrote all this out because I have something to prove to my xxx true friend I ever met on (M.S.). I know she still posts here, because her is unlike anything else. She doesn't want to hear anyone's sordid tales. No matter how many times I retell the of my indiscretions, they will never change if I keep recreating them. I know this is all a giant story anyways, so I can appreciate my own irony. To most people who read this, it will be a cool story to read when they can't sleep. I guess I am just happy that of all the things I have asked for from and the world in general, I finally found what I wanted. I truly wanted something for myself, and I made it happen. It took a long time to formulate the questions and answers for myself. But I know so many other people on are here for similar reasons. I'm not a genius. I am still and have a long way to go. But the moral of the story is that I didn't find what I was looking for from a valentine, relationship, friend with benefits, sexual fantasy, , or any of the other shit people post in search of. Nothing wrong with a little fun here and there, just don't try to solve big shit with small shit. If you want to respond to this, please be serious. I will take you as seriously as I have taken everything else. bbw Odessa sex woman Looking for a friend. and more .